November 9th, 2011

Some days the world conspires against me, and I feel as if I will never, ever accomplish anything important, ever again. So, I’m making a list of things to break that mood, attitude and place in my mind. Here’s what I have so far:

Throw away one thing – declutter

Say thank you for one “everyday” thing

Write, text, or call a friend

Learn a new joke and find three people to tell it to

Eat something you have never had before

Do something for someone else without letting them know

Play

Laugh

Sleep

It’s working so well, I’m trying to do the whole list everyday. Any other suggestions of things to add to this list?

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November 3rd, 2011

How often do you practice being awesome? How often do you strive for more, better, the best? How many times a day, do you wish your life was different?

Are you doing anything about it?

Here’s some great advice:

“Start coming up with ideas about what else you can do. It might mean multiple streams of income instead of just one. It might mean freelance. But get your idea muscle in motion. You need to exercise it because it ALREADY atrophied. 10 ideas a day for six months and write down what all the next steps of each idea are. Eventually you will be an idea machine.” (James Altucher)

Another “truth” is that the more time you can invest into your artistic life, the better it will be. Your first three books will probably suck. The first 15 songs you record will be no good. But that fourth book or song number 16 may have the seeds of something special. So if you don’t know what’s going to work, you need to keep trying things. That takes time. But that’s helpful to you because you also need time to improve. That’s why one of the most important skills you can have as an artist (or arts organziation) is the ability to survive long enough to improve. (Mission Paradox)

Negative thinking creates negative results.  Positive thinking creates positive results.  Period. (Marc and Angel Hack Life)

So, what are you going to do about it?

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October 19th, 2011

Little Misery is obsessed with Sesame Street. So, I found some music, put it on the iPod and we had our soundtrack for the afternoon. The favorite song from that CD is “You Gotta Put Down the Duckie, if you Want to Play the Saxophone”.

Excuse me, Mr. Hoots,
I hate to bug a busy bird,
But I want to learn the sax,
And I need a helpful word-
I always get a silly squeak
When I play the blues.

At my house, we have monkeys everywhere. Little Misery LOVES her monkeys and includes them in all of her daily activities. They brush teeth, take baths, play, go to school, ride bikes, cook, and just about everything else. And they get in the way as much as they help.

We had been singing the duckie song non-stop for days, and then Lil Mis changed the lyrics.

You didn’t hear a word I said,
You gotta get it through your head.

Put down the Monkey

If you want to give the cat his food!

Wow.  I watched as Lil Mis started using this silly song to help her make choices that allow her to grow. Put down the Monkey if you wanna draw the picture…. put down the monkey if you wanna find the puzzle piece… put down the monkey if you wanna wash both hands…

So, what’s my lesson from this? How many of us have a monkey, duckie, blankie, issue, etc. that we won’t put down? I know I do. I am afraid of failure. I am afraid to make the wrong choice. So, this week, I am putting down my monkey and make all the mistakes I can with TWO hands.

You gotta put down the duckie,
Put down the duckie,
Put down the duckie,
Yeah, you gotta leave the duck alone.
You gotta put down the duckie,
Put down the duckie,
Put down the duckie,
If you wanna play the saxophone!

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October 16th, 2011

Lately, my life has been challenging. I have been balancing many things personal, professional and spiritual all at the same time. I have faced car challenges, health challenges, family difficulties, and the same economy everyone else is fighting. I have been tired, and as the weather changes to cold, my body hurts more.

I have been meaning to blog more. I set myself the goal of once a week. And it’s been over a month since my last post. I said I would start getting up at 6AM everyday to start my day with meditation and exercise. I have only done that about every third day. I set the intention of more quality time with my daughter. Last week, I had to hire the nanny an extra day just to get a minute to myself to figure out what was next. And then I managed to blow up my own website.

And, through it all, one thing runs through my mind….

Thank you, I AM GRATEFUL. I live in abundance. Abundance of spirit, love, knowledge, resources, and friends. Abundance of food, opportunity, choice and love. And that, changes everything.

Car troubles turned into a new car, and a donation to a program that will fix the old car and make sure that a single mom has transportation this winter. My website crashing allowed me to learn more skills, have a conversation with a great friend, and reset my procedures for managing my site.

Economic troubles are my opportunity to evaluate my methods, desires and intentions in my businesses. Health difficulties are a way to focus on eating right, exercise, sleeping well, and spending quiet time doing nothing with my family. And family difficulties are the best chance ever to clear my internal baggage and be who and what I want to be.

I see so much negativity. But, I choose not to feel it. I want more. I want the abundance. I cannot fix so many things I see, and so much that is happening around me. But, I can stop and say thank you. I am grateful.

So, thank you to all my clients, friends, readers, and fellow travelers. Thank you for letting me be a small part of your lives, and thank you for being a part of mine. Thank you for reading, I am grateful.

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September 14th, 2011

Recently, I was at an event involving NASCAR. I walked in, was struck by a large sign that said, “No More Pace Car – You Control The Speed”. I literally stopped, and readjusted as I felt my whole being shift to take that in.

Years ago, my mentor, friend and client, Martin Atkins, said to me “Why are you waiting for permission?” The circumstances are unimportant, but the result is very important. He was right, I looked to so many people to say yes. After all, I am a female in a male dominated industry. I am young. I am a mom, not just a business woman. So, somehow I thought I had to have someone backing my decisions. Turns out, I did – ME! When Martin asked me that question, It was like a weird tunnel vision kicked in and all I thought was – ME! And when I started acting like I was the only one who needed t give me permission, great things happened. I left a job that was more unsatisfying than satisfying. I rebalanced my intentions. I started a revolution, and gave my self permission to be everything that I am.

So. Back to NASCAR. I saw that sign. And in a split second, I thought YES! Like I did when I thought ME years ago. There is so much pressure to do more, be more, think more, have more, tweet more, love more, make more, more more more more more more! I think sometimes we lose the point. It isn’t about more, it’s about where we are, where we are going, and how we are choosing to get there. Go fast, go slow. Some days I do both. Some days I stop.

There was an exhilaration that I felt standing on the track at Joliet Speedway with my sister in law, watching my husband and brother race at almost 150 miles an hour. I stood there with the wind whipping past me, and the taste of race car in the air… I stood there breathing in the awesome of the day. And when the cars stopped, the boys emerged with giant grins on their faces, and were speechless, except for the word, “AWESOME”. And we sat on the ground in the pits and laughed. Then left to go pick up our kids and resume our “normal”.

These days, I live a little slower overall. I sit in my office and stare out the window. I play legos for hours with The Preschooler. I recently laminated leaves to make silly art works out of – just because. Sometimes I still have to push hard to make deadlines, and sometimes I still get sucked into the more. But then I stop, I breathe and…

And I feel like there is no way that a pace car could keep up with me.

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September 6th, 2011

Earlier today, my friend Elle posted this rant on her facebook page.  I liked it so much, I asked if we could use it as a guest post.  She said yes.  Why should you read it?  Well, Elle works at Reggies in Chicago booking all the bands and entertainment that comes through their two stages.   She has had this job longer than many bands (that want to play there) have been together.  She has had this job longer than some of these bands have been playing their instruments.  She knows what she is doing, and she is fair.  So, maybe it’s worth listening to why clubs insist on certain rules?  I think so.  Thanks for the post Elle!

____________________________________________________________

A live music venue is a BUSINESS. Reggies counts on the bands that play to bring people. We aren’t like Legends where 150 people come in every night just to hear the Blues. We are a place where people come to watch their fave bands. I CAN NOT book 4 bands that are all out of town or have no draw. I have to ask about draw because it makes sense to mix it up. Maybe put an up and coming band on the bill with some bands that draw so that more people get a chance to see them. Definitely book bands with a draw with an out of towner. NEVER stick an out of towner on first or last when they have no fans. For once in your life musicians, think about how that would make you feel. You’ve all been stuck with lousy slots when playing out of town. Don’t try to make me do that to the out of town band.

When it comes to payout at Reggies Music Joint. We’re more than fair. We give 100% of the door to the bands, plus free drinks plus half off food for locals and free food for out of towners. Most venues take the first couple hundred out for production fees (which is understandable in a larger venue). We don’t. If people don’t come to see you, you’re not gonna get money. If we like you and you’re not local, the owner will often throw them some gas money out of pocket because he’s a great guy. It’s all a numbers game. We make our money off the bar. You make your money off the door. If it’s a free show, we give you a cut of the bar. Quit asking for a cut of the bar on top of the door. If we only make 2k at the bar and our basic overhead for the night is $800, that really isn’t much to keep an entire business like Reggies open! You would not believe what monthly operating costs are to keep a giant business open. You bitch about your $100+ utility bills. Imagine being responsible for 100 employees livelihood and an entire building/utilities and bands.

Now, some of you people are professional musicians and want to get paid to play 7 nights a week. If you’ve got a draw, that’s great. I CAN NOT pay you to come play Reggies for 4 hours for $1000 if no one is gonna come to see you to play to the 30 people that are already sitting there. They’ll be there no matter what. They’re our regulars. We want you to bring NEW blood to the bar. Help us build new regulars and a great new relationship with us.

Another thing that sucks is when we’ll have a big headliner that wants $2000. We believe in them and book them with local support to help promote. We don’t make enough money at the door to pay the headliner and we end up giving support like $ for playing. It isn’t a lot, but, it’s a support slot on a national show-which we lost money on. What do you expect? Sometimes you take the bad for a chance to play with a really cool band. A lot of times, the headliner is the one who decides how much we can give support. They may say we can only budget $200 in for support and then the money after that goes to them. Did you know that? We NEVER keep any money from the door. EVER. It all goes to the bands. So if you feel shorted, I’m sorry. It’s because we had to pay the headliner and we do our best to make sure you got something too.

How is it possible for a local band with 5 members to not bring ANYONE? Did you promote? I find it hard to believe that not one friend or family member or fan would make the trek out to see you. It isn’t like were in the middle of no where. We’re right off the red line. This happens every, single, night. So it can’t always be blamed on the weather. It is your responsibility to reach out to the people you know and your fans to promote each and every show. Reggies shells out thousands and thousands of dollars for the promo we do in the Reader and Illinois Entertainer and things like that. We need you to do your end too. Doing a status update about the show the day of, is hardly fucking promoting.

What else can I bitch about or talk about?

If there is something happening at a club that you don’t seem to understand, feel free to ask the club why things are going down like that. Once you understand the reason behind it, maybe you’ll be more understanding. Or maybe the club sucks and doesn’t treat bands fairly. I can’t speak for all clubs. Only myself.
You guys have no idea the shit I have to go thru on a daily basis to make sure these shows are put together. I do my best and I have always fought to keep things fair for the bands. At Big Horse, where bands were not respected in the least and where I did NOT get paid at all for booking, (I was allowed to bartend and keep my tips, not even getting an hourly wage!) I would often give the touring bands some of my tips so that they wouldn’t leave empty handed.

I hope this helps you understand that we’re not trying to be cheap bastards. We’re not trying to cheat you. We’re just trying to stay afloat and not lose money.

Don’t go bitching about how I wrote such a long rant. You’re the one who chose to read it. I’ll continue to do my best. To try to put together cohesive line ups. To make sure people are treated fairly. I admit, I’m not perfect. Sometimes there are miscommunications and bands cancel at the last minute or maybe I forgot that you told me that you can only play after 11 pm. I’m only human and humans fuck up.

You – please do your best to promote, make sure people come to the show and show up in a timely manner for sound check/load in.

That’s all.

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September 1st, 2011

“Life isn’t fair. Control what you can.” - Kim Corless (Gifted Education Consultant and Advocate, Member of the Board of Trustees at Science and Arts Academy)

We’ve all heard “Good Job!” from parents, teachers, and friends. We’ve probably all said it.

But, do you say it to yourself? I don’t. I say things like, “Wow, I didn’t really work that hard, and they think it’s amazing?” And “I could have done so much more if I actually cared.” And best of all, “Why do I bother, they don’t get it anyway.”

So, as I raise my child, and work with so many creative and bright clients that don’t fit societal norms, I see things like the latest research about whether you should or shouldn’t praise kids. And how you should or shouldn’t. And I start to notice things around me. I hear parents at the park. I hear bandmates talk to each other. I see how a manager provides feedback to an employee, and the theme I notice is that we all look to others to tell us whether or not we did a good job. Children proud of climbing a ladder told “It’s about time! The other kids can do it!” begin to cry. Band members who smile and seem confident at the end of a set deflate when the lead singer rips into them for flubbing a cue. And that employee who messes up a sale, approaches her boss defeated and then bounces back when the boss provides information on why the sale was worthless anyway.

Why does that make sense? Sure, if someone else is paying us for the results, it might matter. But really doesn’t the ongoing paycheck indicate at least an adequate level of competence in performance? Or the continued friendship, collaboration or communication? And don’t I know better than any other subjective judge whether or not that was truly a good job?

I spent many years of my life being absurdely good at things I did not try very hard to do. And being praised, and feeling ashamed that I was “lying” to people. I knew better. And I have hid things that I am not good at, so that I would not hear the criticism. As some of you know, I am not very good at representation art, or whistling, and I try VERY HARD. And no one has ever praised my art or whistling.

Today, I heard Kim Corless speak to that. She described it saying, “Effort is in the domain of control, performance is not.” But people continue to praise performance, and expect others to praise their performance. And neglect to evaluate the effort.

I am not advocating the “A” for showing up. Far from it. I am advocating for the exact opposite. I am advocating for letting each child, each person, strive to do the best that they can do regardless of a standard, arbitrary assessment or judgement. Those things I am absurdely good at, I might enjoy more if I put more effort in, and actually cared about doing.

What I was reminded of today, and what I will do for myself, my child, and my clients, is to focus on what is in our control. To offer praise only if it is sincere, accurate and specific. To separate the effort from the performance, and to say thank you to those who honor my efforts.

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There is a ton of new research out about praising children.

http://www.springerlink.com/content/m54525665hw20334/

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-power-prime/200909/parenting-dont-praise-your-children

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August 31st, 2011

It is not enough to want it. It is not enough to work hard. You have to be lucky.

I am lucky.  Lucky that I have worked for an entertainment attorney, an entertainment accountant, studied improv with one of the greats, studied classical music with a few of the greats, recorded multiple albums, started a school, own a business, and so much more.

How did I get to be so lucky? I worked, I wanted, and I said YES! I asked for help. I took jobs no one else wanted. I took clients no one else wanted. I fought for jobs everyone wanted. And most importantly, I learned to recognize opportunity, and TAKE IT.

I got the accounting job when I went to get my taxes done. I mentioned that I was looking for a few part time hours, and the accountant instantly hired me. I started that week. I fetched a lot of lunches, made tons of coffee, copied, filed and took out trash. Within two months, I was responsible for 15 clients and preparing payroll and sales tax returns, and doing audit prep and royalty collection reports.

Most of my jobs have been like that. Lucky, hunh? Lucky that I was willing to start on two days notice, and spend a month working 10 hour days running errands and doing menial tasks. Lucky that I cleaned toilets that hadn’t been cleaned in a year at the attorneys office. Lucky that I had to take early trains, change my plans, miss out of town events, and not eat because there was no time.

I said YES when I was scared. Scared to do a tax filing for someone important, scared to make a call to someone I considered a hero. Scared to leave the house and fail. Scared when I negotiated new contracts for publicity, merchandising, tours, and garbage pickup. Scared when I wrote contracts for REAL events and people.

My path has not been easy. I have faked smiles when I wanted to hide. I have faked laughs when I wanted to cry and run away. I have faked confidence when someone needed me to have it so that they could. I have changed clothes seventeen times in three minutes to find the “right” outfit when what really mattered was that I show up at all.

I did it all so that when the lucky bus stopped on my corner, I was there. I had the ticket – bought and paid for. And I got on the bus. Until the next good opportunity to get off, find a new thing to jump into and earn some more luck.

Am I lucky? YES!

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August 12th, 2011

So often, we see the negative. So often, we see the can’t, the don’t and the but. We would better serve ourselves and others if we could see the AND instead.

What does that mean? Well, in my own life, I fight feeling like I do not have enough time, enough money, or enough help. I feel like I need more sleep, more resources, more downtime. That only adds to my feeling of overwhelmed. When I can find the AND, everything is easier. Here are some examples:

Being home with my daughter is a gift BUT it means I cannot take as many clients as I used to, and cannot teach as much as I sometimes want to.
…AND I get an opportunity to teach her and her friends every day while constantly adjusting my methods and responses.

I have enough money to live on BUT if I had more things would be easier.
…AND I stretch my creativity by finding solutions to problems that I would normally solve with money, allowing me to better find solutions that are low or no cost for my clients and students.

By working at home, I get to be in charge of my space and time BUT other things always come up to pull me away from work.
…AND see what I truly treat with a priority status , allowing me to constantly evaluate my goals and desired outcomes.

If only I had seen this sooner, I would have saved myself so much time, AND missed so many opportunities to grow. Thanks for reading, and helping me find the AND.

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August 1st, 2011

I am not good at representational art. I am not great at quickly packing a suitcase. I cannot whistle. I once thought I was average. I once thought I was not good at many things. I once was afraid to say that I smart. Then I met a name named Martin duMaat.

I took acting and improvisation classes and lessons my last year of college, and for a few years after I moved to Chicago. I studied with Marty at Second City in an Improv for Actors class. One of the most important things I learned from him was compassion, and to own who and what I am. He told me to play to the top of my intelligence, and then he continually challenged me to do so.

I was challenged to play an abusive mother – and I was surprised when I did it well. I was asked to play a girl who watched her boyfriend commit suicide. And I did it well. I was then given the role of a not so bright waitress. I did NOT do well. Turns out, I made her too “not so bright”. It wasn’t real. It wasn’t true.

We all have strengths, skills and moments of genius. When I allowed the abusive mother to cause pain out of a need to protect, she was real. And when the girl watched her boyfriend die so that she would not, she became real. The waitress? When she realized her amazing short term memory allowed her to wait tables without having to write anything down, she lived through me. And I learned to live.

Each of these characters needed me to allow them to the best of what they could be – to play to the top of their abilities. And my life needs me to do the same.

So, I am not good at representational art, but I will draw you a very silly cat or pig if need be. I am not great a packing a suitcase quickly, but I will throw stuff in a bag and live the results to get where I need to be in time. I cannot whistle, but I will never quit trying. Maybe one day my “top” will allow me a short tune in Marty’s honor.

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