Five Things Gordon Ramsay Could Teach About the Music Business
Gordon Ramsay is a helluva good chef, and a powerhouse TV personality. His most recent show, “Kitchen Nightmares,” is one of my two admitted reality-TV addictions (the other is “Project Runway” – and yes, those are really the only two). In it, Chef Ramsay heeds the plightful calls of struggling restaurant owners, and in a speedy, emotional, and explitive-filled week he turns their luck around, giving them the tools they need to get out of the red and into the black on Page Six.
Chef Ramsay is decidedly not in the music business. But as one of the world’s most successful restaurateurs, and host of this brilliant addition to the ever-expanding televised universe, I think he would have a thing or two to say about the way musicians approach their profession.
1. It’s a business, dammit
It’s the same sad story over and over. A poor, misguided young (or sometimes very old) fool loves to cook and found a friend to lend her some start-up money. This alone does not make for a successful restaurant owner. In fact, it can only end in tears. And it often does (I told you it was good TV).
Singer-songwriters armed with nothing more than a guitar on their back and a song in their heart should be similarly warned: it takes more than passion to make it happen. What kind of investment do you really need to release an album, or book a tour? What skills do you have, and who do you have to enlist to fill in the gaps? When you think about getting into the music business, don’t ignore that tricky second half of the phrase – it’s what makes the first half possible.
2. Passion good, pride bad
No, you are not the greatest chef who ever lived when your only clientele is the cranky crowd in for the cheap deal on an early bird special. Get over yourself.
Pride, arrogance, haughtiness, hubris…whatever you call it, it’s a cardinal sin in more than Catholicism, not to mention a huge turn-off. Don’t be afraid to take criticism, whether it be of your music, stage persona, business tactics, or any other aspect of being a musician. Those who genuinely critique you are doing so because they want you to be better, and know that you can be.
3. Taste your food
Seriously, if you wouldn’t eat what you’re cooking, you shouldn’t send it out to your customers. Some chefs pile on spices like some writers insist on flowery, superfluous, meaningless, excessive, long-winded adjectives. It’s just sickening.
If you love your music, and your mom loves your music, and your dog loves your music, that’s awesome. But that doesn’t make it good music (no offense, Mom). Make a playlist of artists in your genre, or of people you’d love to play alongside one day, and slip your tunes in the mix. How does it hold up…really? Go on, give it a little taste…
4. The front of the house needs the back of the house, and vice versa
Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing better than watching a good manager-waitress shouting match on “Kitchen Nightmares” to make me appreciate how simple and beautiful my own life is. But when it starts reflecting how my band is working together, or my relationship with bookers, agents, or (heaven forbid) fans, there’s something wrong.
The mixing engineer, the promoter, even the bartender, these people are all part of what makes your career work. Find effective ways to communicate with them, and do it regularly to build a cohesive message. If the comminication breaks down, it doesn’t matter how good the music (or food, as the case may be) is, cuz no one’s gonna hear it right.
5. Substance matters, but so does style
Filling your restaurant with fake plastic palm trees stuffed with jungle-themed Beanie Babies is a bad idea. I don’t care how good your teriyake salmon quesadillas are, I ain’t coming in.
Websites, album covers, merchandise and all those other “surface” things can make or break an artist’s career. Think about the way you’re packaging yourself, from stage persona to liner notes. Does it fit with the brand you’re trying to build for yourself and your music? Does it make your fans want to run home and listen to that song one more time, or does it make them want to wash the icky residue off their hands and get so drunk they never remember that painful memory again?
When it comes down to it, if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. But if you can, go for it with all you’ve got. Cook up something great.
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