February 8th, 2012

John Linsley was an astro-physicist. He made huge discoveries in the field of Cosmic Rays. He was also my father-in-law.

I had the amazing opportunity to be with him for the last 6 weeks of his life. He shared his story, his wishes, his regrets, and his last laughter with me. One of his wishes was that the remants of his life work not end up in a dumpster. The family was in strong agreement that this would NOT happen. But for me, it was not just that wish that motivated me to find a home for his books and papers. It was the Christmas Goose.

 

 The Christmas Goose

For many years, I knew John Linsley only as the father to my future husband. He was smart, kind and funny. During the summer of 1999, I grew close to John as I looked in on him from time to time while the rest of his family was off on their own adventures. I’d drop in after work and we’d eat gyros from his favorite restaurant and chat before his 6:30 bedtime. I began to understand more of his scientific work and it’s significance on the day he shared that his ideas would finally be tested in space. That fall, my not yet husband Alessandro and I moved to Chicago. We returned to Albuquerque for Christmas, and John invited us to a Christmas dinner. John was getting older and had slowed down and we anticipated doing much of the cooking and cleaning. We were very wrong.

When we arrived in the early afternoon, the table was set, the house smelled amazing, and it was clear we were in for a massive treat. John had cooked a full feast including a goose, and blueberry cobbler in a dutch oven. It was one of the most memorable meals of my life, for the food, and for the company. He did not let us clean one dish, and we just enjoyed each other’s company. It was magical.

Then, as we prepared to leave and go to my family’s meal, John gave us his “notes” from the day. In his grand style, he had documented the entire process required to create that meal. I still giggle just a little when I look at that page.

 

 

So, when I was asked why I, John Linsley’s daughter-in-law, a musician, a business person, felt the need to preserve his legacy, I could only think of the goose. It represents his passion for process and execution. It shows his desire for perfection and experimentation. And the results changed the world, if only for the few minutes that we were eating the meal.

But his life’s work has changed more than just my world. And his papers show how and why and what. I believe in truth and balance and knowledge. And it is because of people like John Linsley that I do.

For further updates on the availability of the archive, check Symmetry.

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January 9th, 2012

Here’s what I did today…

6AM – Ignored my alarm and hit snooze twice. Checked my email and messages on my phone while hubby took a shower. Got up, brushed teeth, helped the kid get dressed, unloaded the dishwasher and made breakfast.

7AM – Ate breakfast, sent hubby off to his day job. Cleaned the kitchen with the kid. (ie I washed dishes, she made noise)

8AM – Watched Sesame Street. Caught up on Words With Friends.

9AM – Changed all the sheets in the house. Started the wash – did 4 loads today. Folded one load that I will need for an upcoming trip with the kid’s help… (ie I folded it all twice.)

10AM – Played Cooties, played cards, prepared a snack, drank some tea, moved the laundry.

11AM – Discussed the definition of about 1000 words with the kid while I unpacked boxes from our Christmas trip, with her help.

12PM – Ate a fabulous meatball sandwich with the kid that we made together. Ate 4 clementines with her. Read 6 books to her.

1PM – Worked out on my elliptical trainer for 30 minutes and did 15 minutes of yoga while the kid had some “quiet time”. (ie – she took everything she owns out of her drawers in her room)

2PM – Went to the Forest Preserve to run around, throw rocks at the pond (it’s frozen), and feed deer with the kid.

3PM – Snack again! Goldfish and cranberries with milk. (ew?) Took a shower finally while the kid amused herself.

4PM – Computer time with the kid. Counting, reading and shapes! Walked to the train station to pick up hubby.

5PM – Walked home. Handed off the kid. Ate dinner while I worked at my desk. Made lists, returned emails, sorted the mail.

6PM – Wrote 2 blog posts. One for The Local Tourist, one for later on this blog – it still needs some details. Made more lists.

7 PM – Wrote this post. Why? So that I could show what it’s like to be a stay at home mom. And own a business. And be a human being. And love every minute of it.

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January 4th, 2012

It’s 2012. A NEW YEAR. And everyone is talking about their resolutions.

I believe in change. I believe in action. I believe in life. But not New Year’s Resolutions ™ .

Resolutions seem to be a way of saying, “I am not enough. I should be/have/do more. If only…” It’s as if you are saying, “I want this thing, and I know the only way to get it is through some miraculous change that I am incapable of enacting on my own.”

What I am interested in is what I am doing well, and what is working well in my life. I go to yoga and it makes me feel better. I have been maintaining a routine that seems to make everything in the house a little easier for the whole family. By planning meals a week in advance, I always have good food choices available. I like all of that.

What I want is more of what I am already cultivating. I want peace, balance, space, laughter, love and health. Writing down GO TO THE GYM EVERYDAY won’t give me that. Telling myself that my life will be everything I want if I GO TO THE GYM EVERYDAY will only make me see holes in my life that I didn’t notice before. Recoginizing how often I did go to the gym last year and how amazing it made me felt gives me an instant sense of wellness, and an immediate desire to go work out.

I will not “resolve” to do anything new this year. I will not focus on what I don’t have, what I “should” have, what I lack. I will focus on change, and action and life.

Here’s my strategy and motto for 2012: Less is More. What can I have or do less of, to allow or create more in my life?

What changes the world is action. Little tiny things that add up to monumental and grand moments of beauty and truth.

Less is More. I will be a little bit less, and experience a little bit more. Less time spent on the shoulds, and more on the do. Less stress, more trust. Less worry, more faith. Less eating, more yoga. Less multi-tasking, more enjoyment.

In a year, many things change in our lives. Kids grow, we grow. We have health challenges, life challenges, job challenges and relationship challenges. We go on vacation, move, and try new things.

A year ago, my little one was 8 months away from starting school, still napping 2 hours a day, and a tiny toddler. A year ago, I could not have predicted that 2011 would bring early preschool for her, and word like “negotiate” and “rumpus”. I did not plan on trips to Kansas, Ohio, and Italy for my family. I could not have planned for some moments this fall that changed my entire view of the next 5years of my life. A year ago, I would not have to make the decisions I make today.

In another year, what will I look back and say? I don’t think it will be GO TO THE GYM EVERYDAY. I hope it will be More Abundance.

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November 22nd, 2011

So often, the things that stop us are hard. Hard to face, hard to fix, hard to talk about, hard to live. …

I refuse to accept that. I refuse to be stopped. People often ask me what I do for a living, and I answer that I consult and help small businesses in the arts succeed at being awesome. But, I think what I really do is smash things. I take other people’s problems and smash them into tiny enough pieces that they can be cleaned up.

Last week, I spent 2 hours unraveling a lost account, and set of previously purchased, but unused ISBN numbers for an author. I did that by calling a phone number (which I had to dig to find) and telling the person on the other end that I had no idea how to resolve this, and would take any help he could give me. I also facilitated planned a Thanksgiving dinner that includes turkey, elk and homemade past. And I cleaned a house including finding over 20 bags and boxes of things that could go to Goodwill. None of that was hard for me.

So what is hard for me? To understand why other people let things be hard. I could tell all kinds of other stories about what I did last week. I could ask everyone to cut me some slack because life is hard and I’m coping with a lot. But, why? It’s my life. It’s not hard, it’s what is. I don’t need slack. I need success. I need love, and work, and laughter. And none of that is hard.

A former client used to always say, “But this is what is!” And I would agree. For her, it was drama, tragedy after tragedy and too much to do. For me, it is what it is. It’s my life. I like it better when it’s easy. I like it when I can tell a client, “I didn’t get to you today. I’ll try again tomorrow.” And the client say, “Okay!” I like it when I look around and see my choices as I made them and life as it presents itself. I like it when even in the darkest moments, I still have a choice, and an attitude of YES!This isn’t hard. What’s hard is to fight that. What’s hard is to accept drama as a way of life. What’s hard is to wait to for everything to explode instead of just smashing it into the bits I can deal with.

So, as we approach the hard months of the year… THE HOLIDAYS, and then we approach the other hard months of the year… THE COLD MONTHS, I am going to find a bigger hammer, and I am going to smash and smash and smash. And I am going to laugh when pieces fly off. Got anything you want me to smash?

 

UPDATE – 10 MINUTES LATER

I got up from publishing this post to do the dishes, and knocked this over.  OOOPS!  But hilarious – thanks for the laugh Universe!


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November 16th, 2011

I was going to write a brilliant blog post. One that explained copyright, marketing and the secrets of the Universe all in one. A blgo post that was destined to change the course of all humankind…

I didn’t. The life and times of MLC and Joanna QL did not agree with that plan. Instead, you get a list. That’s right, a list of ten things. Ten tools I have used this week to survive, grow and live.

1. It’s always something.
There will always be drama if you want it. There will always be a reason to freak out, smoke, eat crap, yell at someone if you look hard enough.
There will always be a friend, a break, a shoulder. There will always be a smile, a gift, a soothing moment if you allow it.

2. Don’t save things until the last minute.
If it’s really important, it can’t wait. If it waits, it may not happen. Or, it may happen and bring with it drama, tears and misunderstandings.

3. Be nicer than you think you can.
Everyone has a story. Everyone has burdens. Everyone has something they are not saying. You don’t know what that it. So, cut that jerk in your life some slack and be nice. And recognize that someone else is doing the same for you.

4. Say thank you and mean it.
Do it. You can change the world.

5. Realize that living what is will always be more powerful than living what I wish it was but isn’t.
We all want it do be different. But it isn’t. And looking at what is – there is some seriously amazing stuff in our lives. Live that.

6. There is always more.
Another opportunity will come. Another dollar can be made. Another friend will be there.

7. Sleep helps everything.
Try it. Put down the struggle, the stress, the drama and sleep for eight to ten hours. Betcha it’s not as bad as it was before you slept.

8. Say thank you and mean it.
Do it again. Keep changing the world.

9. Ask for what you need and want.
It can be yours. But you have to ask first.

10. Knowledge can never be anything other than it is.
Theory will not fix a problem, but might give you a place to start. Answers only apply to specific questions. Information can label and define, but does not create. Learn, absorb, and then go live. REALLY live. With all of your allness.

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November 9th, 2011

Some days the world conspires against me, and I feel as if I will never, ever accomplish anything important, ever again. So, I’m making a list of things to break that mood, attitude and place in my mind. Here’s what I have so far:

Throw away one thing – declutter

Say thank you for one “everyday” thing

Write, text, or call a friend

Learn a new joke and find three people to tell it to

Eat something you have never had before

Do something for someone else without letting them know

Play

Laugh

Sleep

It’s working so well, I’m trying to do the whole list everyday. Any other suggestions of things to add to this list?

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November 3rd, 2011

How often do you practice being awesome? How often do you strive for more, better, the best? How many times a day, do you wish your life was different?

Are you doing anything about it?

Here’s some great advice:

“Start coming up with ideas about what else you can do. It might mean multiple streams of income instead of just one. It might mean freelance. But get your idea muscle in motion. You need to exercise it because it ALREADY atrophied. 10 ideas a day for six months and write down what all the next steps of each idea are. Eventually you will be an idea machine.” (James Altucher)

Another “truth” is that the more time you can invest into your artistic life, the better it will be. Your first three books will probably suck. The first 15 songs you record will be no good. But that fourth book or song number 16 may have the seeds of something special. So if you don’t know what’s going to work, you need to keep trying things. That takes time. But that’s helpful to you because you also need time to improve. That’s why one of the most important skills you can have as an artist (or arts organziation) is the ability to survive long enough to improve. (Mission Paradox)

Negative thinking creates negative results.  Positive thinking creates positive results.  Period. (Marc and Angel Hack Life)

So, what are you going to do about it?

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September 14th, 2011

Recently, I was at an event involving NASCAR. I walked in, was struck by a large sign that said, “No More Pace Car – You Control The Speed”. I literally stopped, and readjusted as I felt my whole being shift to take that in.

Years ago, my mentor, friend and client, Martin Atkins, said to me “Why are you waiting for permission?” The circumstances are unimportant, but the result is very important. He was right, I looked to so many people to say yes. After all, I am a female in a male dominated industry. I am young. I am a mom, not just a business woman. So, somehow I thought I had to have someone backing my decisions. Turns out, I did – ME! When Martin asked me that question, It was like a weird tunnel vision kicked in and all I thought was – ME! And when I started acting like I was the only one who needed t give me permission, great things happened. I left a job that was more unsatisfying than satisfying. I rebalanced my intentions. I started a revolution, and gave my self permission to be everything that I am.

So. Back to NASCAR. I saw that sign. And in a split second, I thought YES! Like I did when I thought ME years ago. There is so much pressure to do more, be more, think more, have more, tweet more, love more, make more, more more more more more more! I think sometimes we lose the point. It isn’t about more, it’s about where we are, where we are going, and how we are choosing to get there. Go fast, go slow. Some days I do both. Some days I stop.

There was an exhilaration that I felt standing on the track at Joliet Speedway with my sister in law, watching my husband and brother race at almost 150 miles an hour. I stood there with the wind whipping past me, and the taste of race car in the air… I stood there breathing in the awesome of the day. And when the cars stopped, the boys emerged with giant grins on their faces, and were speechless, except for the word, “AWESOME”. And we sat on the ground in the pits and laughed. Then left to go pick up our kids and resume our “normal”.

These days, I live a little slower overall. I sit in my office and stare out the window. I play legos for hours with The Preschooler. I recently laminated leaves to make silly art works out of – just because. Sometimes I still have to push hard to make deadlines, and sometimes I still get sucked into the more. But then I stop, I breathe and…

And I feel like there is no way that a pace car could keep up with me.

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September 1st, 2011

“Life isn’t fair. Control what you can.” - Kim Corless (Gifted Education Consultant and Advocate, Member of the Board of Trustees at Science and Arts Academy)

We’ve all heard “Good Job!” from parents, teachers, and friends. We’ve probably all said it.

But, do you say it to yourself? I don’t. I say things like, “Wow, I didn’t really work that hard, and they think it’s amazing?” And “I could have done so much more if I actually cared.” And best of all, “Why do I bother, they don’t get it anyway.”

So, as I raise my child, and work with so many creative and bright clients that don’t fit societal norms, I see things like the latest research about whether you should or shouldn’t praise kids. And how you should or shouldn’t. And I start to notice things around me. I hear parents at the park. I hear bandmates talk to each other. I see how a manager provides feedback to an employee, and the theme I notice is that we all look to others to tell us whether or not we did a good job. Children proud of climbing a ladder told “It’s about time! The other kids can do it!” begin to cry. Band members who smile and seem confident at the end of a set deflate when the lead singer rips into them for flubbing a cue. And that employee who messes up a sale, approaches her boss defeated and then bounces back when the boss provides information on why the sale was worthless anyway.

Why does that make sense? Sure, if someone else is paying us for the results, it might matter. But really doesn’t the ongoing paycheck indicate at least an adequate level of competence in performance? Or the continued friendship, collaboration or communication? And don’t I know better than any other subjective judge whether or not that was truly a good job?

I spent many years of my life being absurdely good at things I did not try very hard to do. And being praised, and feeling ashamed that I was “lying” to people. I knew better. And I have hid things that I am not good at, so that I would not hear the criticism. As some of you know, I am not very good at representation art, or whistling, and I try VERY HARD. And no one has ever praised my art or whistling.

Today, I heard Kim Corless speak to that. She described it saying, “Effort is in the domain of control, performance is not.” But people continue to praise performance, and expect others to praise their performance. And neglect to evaluate the effort.

I am not advocating the “A” for showing up. Far from it. I am advocating for the exact opposite. I am advocating for letting each child, each person, strive to do the best that they can do regardless of a standard, arbitrary assessment or judgement. Those things I am absurdely good at, I might enjoy more if I put more effort in, and actually cared about doing.

What I was reminded of today, and what I will do for myself, my child, and my clients, is to focus on what is in our control. To offer praise only if it is sincere, accurate and specific. To separate the effort from the performance, and to say thank you to those who honor my efforts.

______________________________________________________________________________

There is a ton of new research out about praising children.

http://www.springerlink.com/content/m54525665hw20334/

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-power-prime/200909/parenting-dont-praise-your-children

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August 31st, 2011

It is not enough to want it. It is not enough to work hard. You have to be lucky.

I am lucky.  Lucky that I have worked for an entertainment attorney, an entertainment accountant, studied improv with one of the greats, studied classical music with a few of the greats, recorded multiple albums, started a school, own a business, and so much more.

How did I get to be so lucky? I worked, I wanted, and I said YES! I asked for help. I took jobs no one else wanted. I took clients no one else wanted. I fought for jobs everyone wanted. And most importantly, I learned to recognize opportunity, and TAKE IT.

I got the accounting job when I went to get my taxes done. I mentioned that I was looking for a few part time hours, and the accountant instantly hired me. I started that week. I fetched a lot of lunches, made tons of coffee, copied, filed and took out trash. Within two months, I was responsible for 15 clients and preparing payroll and sales tax returns, and doing audit prep and royalty collection reports.

Most of my jobs have been like that. Lucky, hunh? Lucky that I was willing to start on two days notice, and spend a month working 10 hour days running errands and doing menial tasks. Lucky that I cleaned toilets that hadn’t been cleaned in a year at the attorneys office. Lucky that I had to take early trains, change my plans, miss out of town events, and not eat because there was no time.

I said YES when I was scared. Scared to do a tax filing for someone important, scared to make a call to someone I considered a hero. Scared to leave the house and fail. Scared when I negotiated new contracts for publicity, merchandising, tours, and garbage pickup. Scared when I wrote contracts for REAL events and people.

My path has not been easy. I have faked smiles when I wanted to hide. I have faked laughs when I wanted to cry and run away. I have faked confidence when someone needed me to have it so that they could. I have changed clothes seventeen times in three minutes to find the “right” outfit when what really mattered was that I show up at all.

I did it all so that when the lucky bus stopped on my corner, I was there. I had the ticket – bought and paid for. And I got on the bus. Until the next good opportunity to get off, find a new thing to jump into and earn some more luck.

Am I lucky? YES!

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